


Doe-Eyed Dumbass

by thisnthat



Category: Ash vs Evil Dead (TV), Evil Dead (Movies)
Genre: Drug Dealing, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Some Humor, not explicit until ~chp7 or 8
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:29:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisnthat/pseuds/thisnthat
Summary: Local Elk Grove, Michigan, weed dealer and begrudging friend to all, Madeline “Mad Lin” Revok, has been thoroughly enjoying her new career since dropping out of college four years ago. She has all the time in the world to tend her farm, chill with friends, and blaze it. But recently, Madeline worries she has a bit too much time on her hands when she starts crushing on her number one client, and number one pain in the ass, Ash Williams.Set after the films and ~20 years before the show, giving us some more young Ash content, as much as I love that old fucker. (may be more chapters, i just like to work with an end in mind)
Relationships: Ash Williams/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to compile all these smut scenarios I've been thinking up into one series and character for my own sanity, and we all know Ash would totally hit on his dealer. I'm just making him 29 as a personal preference but it really doesn't change much if u give or take a few years. Forgive that the smut itself will take a while, i'm trying to write slowburn for once in my life since i'm cursed with terminal horndog disease.
> 
> No Ash until Ch2. Ch1 is background on Madeline and her living situation. Take it or leave it depending on how fleshed out u want the story to feel.  
> As always feel free to comment, but i am not looking for critique. this is not my professional work.

While good ol’ MS of U had been fun, Madeline couldn’t help but miss the charms of her small town life outside Detroit. She’d made her fair share of compatriots, helping one of her close friends introduce Mary Jane to the other academic failures. Despite being in her last year, Madeline decided this “higher learning” wasn’t going to cut it anymore. It definitely didn’t have anything to do with her anxiety, or how much she struggled making sense of anything that took longer than five minutes to read, or how terrified she was of having to move to an even bigger city after all this to go work at a “real” job with her degree she’d barely earned.

No, her hometown needed someone of her skills to provide them a modicum of relief from their dreary, small town lives. Their calm, simple, county-fair-is-the-biggest-event-of-the-year ways…She couldn’t wait.

Loading up her Ford F-100 Explorer, Madeline said her last goodbyes to her friends before driving home for winter break. She didn’t have the heart to tell them she wouldn’t be back, other than her business partner that is.

The two of them struck up a deal, Madeline would sell in Podunk towns back home while her friend would handle business at the college and keep a solid supply chain running. Any excuse to hang out rather than get a legitimate job.

On to face her parents, now as a fresh-faced failure. All grown up, selling the devil’s lettuce, and dropped out of school. She really was the dream daughter.

~

It’d been four years now since Madeline got kicked out of her parent’s home and moved a few cities over to Elk Grove. Scary as it was to uproot her whole life again, Elk Grove proved an ideal spot. Plenty of customers and a cheap house with great roommates, what more could she want?

That said, Madeline didn’t have quite the reputation she had hoped for amongst the locals. Her shyness was often interpreted as brusque indifference or as outright cold. Her choice in fashion didn’t help much either, rough old farming clothes and a tough leather jacket and boots from her brief stint of driving a motorcycle, clothes too expensive to just chuck. While flannels and work pants aren’t uncommon for women in these parts, it seemed the combo of her unwillingness to say much or smile landed her with the dreaded nickname of “Mad Lin.” At the least, she found comfort in knowing it kept folks from hassling her too much. The only people she cared about were her roommates anyway. As long as they were a family, she was content to roam the streets as Mad Lin.

Madeline and her roommates live a bit outside of town; where she has all the space she could ever need to run her growing operation without any nosy neighbors calling the cops. Plus her roommates throw the best parties, especially now that she lived with them. Everyone wanted to get fucked up directly at the source. As far as Madeline was concerned, she was the most successful 25-year-old in all of Michigan.

And tonight was the biggest event of their year, The Monster Mash. Every year on Halloween, Madeline and her roommates would go balls-to-the-wall planning the biggest party in town. To get invited, or crash, was the best way to prove if you were hip or not. If Madeline learned anything at college, it was how to throw a party. And she relished in sharing that knowledge, even if she didn’t much care for the event itself.

This was only the fourth year of The Monster Mash, but word spread fast in small communities. Everyone was dying to get in. This would be their toughest gig yet. But Madeline was ready for a challenge.

~

“We need a theme this year,” Greta sighs.

The youngest of the roommates at 17, Greta, prides herself on drawing in the high school crowd. Even though she is traumatized by her parents kicking her out a year ago when they found out she was dating another cheerleader, Greta has managed to pick up the pieces of her life pretty well. Thanks to the support of her new found family in this rundown old farmhouse.

“The theme is Halloween,” Madeline says.

“You know what I mean, Mads” Greta playfully punches Madeline’s arm.

“What do you have in mind?” Regina asks, not looking up from trying to get the beat-up T.V. to play.

Regina, the next closest to Madeline in age at 23, brought Greta under her wing last year. Working at the town’s number one hot spot, Dairy Queen, kept her up to date on all the latest gossip.

“Thank you for asking. I say we go for ‘haunted cabin in the woods,’” Greta says, eyes shining at all the possibilities.

“Nice, now we won’t have to decorate,” Robin laughs.

Only a year younger at 22, Robin moved from Detroit to get away from her “dead-end family and dead-end boyfriend.” Madeline never could understand how Robin would consider Elk Grove the answer to that problem, but she didn’t push it.

“No way! There’s tons to do! Candles, spider webs, ghosts, skeletons, blood!” Greta jumps out of her seat, ecstatic.

“So all our usual stuff?” Madeline raises an eyebrow.

“Maybe we could add an outdoor part, like a graveyard?” Greta asks.

“Now that could be fun,” Regina perks up.

“I’m so in,” Robin says.

They all look toward Madeline expectantly. The eldest must approve, after all.

“Just don’t mess up my plants,” she concedes, “And keep the bedrooms off limits.”

“Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mads!” Greta throws her arms around her.

“Don’t thank me yet. You guys still have to get everything ready and it’s already noon.”

“We’ll invite some friends over to help, it’ll be fine. We promise Mama Mads,” Regina jokes.

Madeline chuckles, shaking her head. She grabs her keys and waves good-bye, off to run errands and conduct some last minute business before the night’s festivities.


	2. Monster Mash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madeline and her roommates throw their 4th annual Monster Mash at their old farmhouse. Ash inadvertently invites himself.

After finishing every other possible task on her list, Madeline pulls into the S-Mart parking lot.

Scanning the lot she groans. That stupid Delta is here. Best paying customer or not, Madeline does not want to be accosted by Ash with another of his Odyssey-length stories about some bullshit or another. Ash Williams is the one man unfazed by her silence. Many have tried to crack her, the stoic Mad Lin, but as of yet no one outside her roommates has succeeded in courting her favor beyond acquaintanceship.

It’s not that she doesn’t like people; Madeline just never knows what to say. And more often than not feels nothing needs to be said at all. She is content to listen, nodding along to whatever people share. But that damn Ash always tries to pry more out of her, like he can’t sit still without someone praising his every word. Not to mention his tacky one-liners and brown doe-eyes hiding how lame his jokes are. Or his gangly form making him the only employee she can ask to reach products from high shelves. And the way he flirts, as if he’s trying to get under her skin rather than woo her. Though, she must admit, she doesn’t hate watching his biceps flex when he insists on helping her carry bags out to her car. Madeline never thought she’d hate someone, but Ash Williams really puts her to the test.

~

Muzak plays over the loudspeakers, moving shoppers at a nice, leisurely pace. It’s almost enough to calm Madeline’s nerves as she power walks through the store, darting around to grab what she needs while avoiding Ash at all costs. The sternness in her face causes the other shoppers to jump out of her way as she marches down the aisles, a juggernaut of focused will.

So far so good. She cracks a smile, considering picking up some more pumpkins for her and her roommates to carve. Even if it didn’t fit this years “haunted cabin” theme. As she approaches the pumpkins, she feels the hair on her neck rise. She turns to the checkout stations and makes eye contact with Ash.

“Shit,” she whispers, frozen.

But he’s with a customer; surely he’ll be too busy to bother her. She doesn’t even need the pumpkins. She could just go to another register and make her exit without so much as a nod.

“Hey! Mad Lin!” Ash hollers, waving enthusiastically.

Madeline smiles awkwardly, returning the wave. He turns back to the customer and she breathes a sigh of relief, until she realizes Ash is running over. Both to her and the customer’s surprise.

She considers stabbing herself to get out of here faster.

“How’s it going, kid?” Ash asks, brown eyes sparkling in the fluorescent lights.

“It’s going,” Madeline nods.

“Groovy. So, I need a favor,” Ash continues, “can I get gram for tonight?”

“I don’t just carry it on me,” she grits her teeth.

“Right, yeah. Could you drop some off at my place later?”

“I’m in a rush, plans tonight,” she says, stepping around him.

“Whoa! Big plans for Halloween?” he asks.

Rage simmers across her skin. Stupid to mention she had something going on, she knew he would want to invite himself. She does not want this sleaze ruining her party.

“No,” she lies, “just my roommates and I, that’s all.”

“I can swing by your place then, that works for me,” he smiles, clapping her on the shoulder.

His firm grip makes her shiver involuntarily. She glares at his hand then back at him. Catching on he removes his hand, placing it in his pocket instead.

“How about tomorrow?” she tries.

“Need it tonight. I’ll pay extra,” he says.

“Be there before 9,” she sighs.

“You got it, boss.”

Before Madeline can stop herself a smile pulls at her lips, the gentlest hint of a laugh escapes her lungs. Another dumb mistake. She knows there’s no way his big stupid eyes didn’t see it.

“Do you need help with anything?” he asks.

“No, I can handle it.”

“Certain? Need help out to the lot?”

“I’m not done shopping yet,” Madeline tries once more to step around him.

“Here, we have a fine selection of pumpkins,” Ash cuts her off again.

She just can’t shake this relentless bastard; and she really wanted to bring back a gift for her friends. At this point she should know better than to think Ash can be avoided.

“Read my mind,” she says dryly.

“How many? I’ll check you out too,” he winks.

They heave the various party supplies and goods to the counter. Upon arrival Madeline remembers the man Ash was already helping.

“Beat it,” Ash commands, a seriousness replacing his usually goofy demeanor.

“But I was here first!” the man complains.

Ash grabs one of the customer’s groceries and chucks it full force across the store.

“Scram! Get outta here!”

Madeline covers her mouth, looking away to stifle a laugh. The man grumbles under his breath, gathering up his things to leave. She smiles an apology at him, setting her things down. Everyone seems to be at the whims of Ash.

“Hello, ma’am. Find everything you need?” Ash asks, putting on a cheesy service voice.

Madeline huffs affirmatively. She’s always at a loss for words when it comes to playful banter. This is why she hates him; it’s all coming back to her now.

He finishes bagging her goods, but holds on for a moment longer, watching her intently. Heaving a sigh Madeline nods at him. She knows that even with her strength it would be too unwieldy to carry all these bags on her own. He smiles that childish, ear-to-ear smile, eyes beaming with pride at thinking he’s finally warmed her up to him. If Madeline didn’t hate his guts so much she’d almost find it cute. Almost.

~

Ash slams the flatbed door closed, wiping his hand on his pants before walking around to Madeline. She sits with the door propped open, lighting a cigarette.

“I’ll see you tonight?” Ash asks, leaning on the side of the car.

If she didn’t know better she’d say he looked cool, black curls loosened by the wind from their pomade prison, prosthetic hand resting on his hip while he patiently awaits her answer.

“Mhm,” is all she can muster.

He finger guns toward her, a bit too excited for just scoring some weed. She shuts the door, waving an awkward goodbye before driving off.

~

The hours speed by, Madeline entirely forgetting about Ash as the party rages into the late hours of the night. Sure, she had cracked jokes about it with her roommates while putting the final touches on the decorations, but by the time they were finished her mind was empty of all else but how much fun they’d have tonight. A few hits of her best product helped as well.

Around midnight a yellow Delta pulls into the yard and out steps an extremely confused Ash. Cars are parked all over the side of the road and in the yard, with loud music blasting from within the house. People lounge around the porch, some dancing, passed out, making out, the whole shebang. Decorations line the yard and house, bright colors flashing through the windows and open doors. More drunken teens and whatnot stumble from the backyard, the absence of any fencing giving the illusion of this party house existing in it’s own vacuum of darkness.

“Just her and her roommates,” Ash huffs.

Making his way up the steps, Ash can hear the whispers of other partygoers. He smiles benignly, waving at them as if he’s a celebrity instead of a freak show.

Inside the music rattles his bones, clouds of smoke assaulting his senses. Yep, definitely Madeline’s handiwork. The gaudy Halloween decorations take on a truly eerie glow when in the red and purple lights. Ash finds it hard to breath, mouth dry as he feels panic creeping in. Pushing through the crowd he finds the makeshift bar.

“Thank Christ,” he sighs, cracking open a beer can in his good hand and pounding it back.

Another beer down and he feels his blood slow, his skin no longer crawling.

The excited voice of a young girl shouts over the music, “Oh my God! Ashy Slashy!”

Startled Ash death grips the beer, spinning around to see a way too young girl beaming up at him.

“I don’t think so, jailbait,” he warns, holding a hand out in front of him in defense.

She takes his arm, “Mads said you were going to be here hours ago!”

“Mads?” he asks, trying to wretch his arm free of the girl’s grasp.

“Madeline!” she answers.

“Oh!” he relaxes, “You must be Greta, her little sister or whatever.”

“Sure,” Greta laughs, releasing his arm to pour herself another drink.

“Hey, aren’t you a bit young for that?” Ash pokes at Greta.

“Aren’t you a bit old to be at this party,” she sticks her tongue out at him.

Looking around Ash considers for a moment that Greta may be right. At 29, most folks his age didn’t come to these high school and college kid parties anymore…unless something was seriously wrong with them.

“I didn’t know there was a party,” he grimaces.

Greta raises her eyebrows, remembering now that Madeline was complaining about Ash earlier, not excited. It can be so hard to tell with Mads sometimes. Greta’s train of thought is interrupted when she notices her crush dancing with someone across the room. Blushing hard she turns away, slamming her drink down.

“What’s gotten in to you?” Ash asks.

Greta shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes.

“See, I told you. You’re too young for this stuff,” he continues, gently holding her arm to keep her steady.

He scans the room, trying to see whatever it was that upset Greta. His eyes land on another girl dancing with some greasy pipsqueak.

“That guy? He looks like a bum, you can do way better,” Ash tries to reassure her.

She pulls away.

“It’s not him,” she mumbles so Ash barely hears her.

He glances between the dancing couple and Greta, realization slowly dawning on him.

“Oh, oh!” he sputters, “I can help with that!”

Greta glares at him, “What?”

“I’m a babe magnet, come on,” he swaggers, giving his most convincing smile, “I can show you how it’s done.”

Greta laughs, a tear rolling down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away.

“Okay, sure,” she smiles.

~

Madeline finishes a cigarette out back, no longer stuck listening to some business major try to impress her with his lame talking points. Without a word she heads back inside, leaving him to swallow his pride while his friends laugh.

The humidity of a house filled to the brim with sweaty, dancing hooligans pushes away the cold Michigan night. Madeline allows herself a moment to enjoy her work; this has been the biggest Monster Mash turnout so far. While surveying the room she spots Greta at the bar laughing uproariously. Madeline chuckles, until she sees who is making Greta laugh.

Fury she hasn’t felt since her parents threw her out burns through Madeline’s blood. Marching across the living room, eyes furious and fists balled tight, Madeline drowns out the sounds of music and conversation.

“Does that really work?” Greta howls with laughter.

“I promise, works like a charm,” Ash grins.

“There you are!” Greta beams, watching Madeline walk toward them.

Ash turns to see who’s approaching when his face collides with a fist. He collapses onto the table, spilling drinks and flipping the punch bowl over.

“She’s 17 you grody fuck!” Madeline yells.

Ash holds a hand out, trying to stand upright without slipping.

“No, Mads, he wasn’t,” Greta says.

Madeline looks toward Greta, confused.

“He was, you know that one girl from school?” Greta tries to explain.

Ash dusts himself off, smiling triumphantly. Madeline grits her teeth, nodding at Greta. She doesn’t trust Ash as far as she could throw him, but the bleeding on her knuckles compared to his shit-eating grin despite her punch indicates she may not be able to kick his ass anyway.

He turns toward Greta, “Got it from here, little lady killer?”

“I think so, thanks Ashy Slashy,” Greta smiles.

Ash ruffles her hair with his good hand before turning to Madeline, arms crossed.

“Well?” he asks.

“I said before 9,” Madeline replies coldly, turning to walk away.

Ash follows close behind.

“I’m here now, and I helped your sister, come on,” he insists.

“She’s not my sister.”

“Whatever she is,” Ash rolls his eyes.

Madeline stops walking, causing Ash to bump into her. Her eyes go wide as she nearly trips from the impact, only to be caught in his arms.

“Too much to drink?” he smirks.

She shoves him off, standing upright. How dare he be strong enough to knock her over and catch her.

“You got the cash?” she asks.

“Of course, baby,” he replies.

Madeline points her head to the stairs, indicating for Ash to follow. Stepping around crowds and couples making out on the steps he follows her upstairs.

“Careful bonin’ him, you know what happened to his last squeeze,” a man jeers from the hallway, inciting his friends to taunt as well.

Ash averts his eyes, pleased that Madeline simply huffed in response to their antics. Biting back each time has put a lot of strain on him, whether Ash wants to admit it or not. It’s nice to consider he can just ignore it from time to time like Madeline.

They stop outside her room. Madeline pulls a key ring from her jacket pocket and opens the door. Ash gulps at the sight of the key ring and the way the floorboards creak as they step inside.

“Close the door,” she instructs.

The door clicks behind him. Taking a deep breath he leans on the doorframe, sweating profusely. He focuses on Madeline, watching her scrounge through a large dresser. The way her eyes methodically scan each section. How a few strands of hair fall around her face, framing it perfectly. She finds what she’s looking for, lifting her eyes to catch him staring.

He grips the doorframe, throwing his head to the side and smacking it on the wall. Rubbing his temple Ash catches a faint chuckle from Madeline.

“There you go,” She holds the baggie out.

“Shouldn’t we do one of those secret handshake things were you slip it in my pocket?”

“Don’t push it,” all humor leaves her voice.

Ash nods, fishing the cash out of his pocket to hand off. They stand for a moment, music from downstairs playing out their awkward silence. Madeline pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Thanks for helping Greta,” she starts, “she needs all the support she can get.”

“Oh.” Ash says, “I mean, of course. I love sharing the art of scoring hot babes.”

“Right,” Madeline nods, unimpressed.

Ash scratches at the back of his neck, whistling low. He quickly tucks his hands into his pocket upon realizing how much he’s shaking. Even with all the people here, the old wood and dusty windows bring back haunted memories he’d rather forget. Madeline stops at the door.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Couldn’t be better,” he lies, smiling unconvincingly.

“We’re not going to have a conversation this long ever again,” she probes.

“Let’s talk about it over dinner sometime?” he asks.

“Out you go then,” she says, holding the door open for him.

“That’s cold, baby,” he says.

Madeline nods in agreement, closing and locking her bedroom door behind them again before continuing down the stairs. Ash watches her go, admiring the view to distract from the fear freezing him in place. The thought of it coming back, of it taking everyone here. Of him fighting through it alone again, always the last alive. He runs to his car, pushing through the crowds while holding back the bile threatening to burst out of him.

~

As morning comes around, Madeline lies awake in her bed, watching sunbeams dance across the cracking ceiling. She tries to put words to her feelings, but comes up empty, worse off than before.


	3. Not a Date, Never Said That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash really bungles it this time.

Ash glances at the clock on the wall. For ten whole minutes this customer has stood before him, spittle flying as she angrily demands a refund.

“Are you even listening to me?” the woman glares.

“Every word, ma’am,” Ash says.

He blinks back to her, smiling his biggest customer service smile.

“Well?” she asks.

Ash shakes his head, pretending to be equally disappointed.

“We can’t take back this toaster, I told you. My hands are tied,” he says, eyebrows raised sympathetically and hands miming cuffs.

“And why not?”

Ash grits his teeth, smiling with all his might.

“You stuck the fork in and broke it yourself, the warranty doesn’t cover stupid,” he says.

The woman gasps, furious at his insult. Ash grips the counter tight and wishes it were her neck.

“I want to speak to your manager,” she jabs a finger at him.

“Right away.”

Dropping the act he releases a long held breath, pushing his loose curls back into place. He walks past a few aisles to find Chet attempting to price tag a series of boxes with an empty tagger.

“Hey, Chet,” Ash claps him on the shoulder.

“What’s up, man?” Chet asks, not looking up.

“Got a live one, need you to play manager again.”

Chet looks up, annoyed but not surprised by the request.

“Dude, Randall’s definitely gonna find out if I keep doing this,” Chet says.

Ash blows a raspberry. They’ve done this dance a million times.

“Come on, just one more time. I’ll cover drinks at the titty bar for a week,” Ash says.

Chet bobs his head to weigh his options, then a dumb grin splits his face.

“Alright, you’re on!” Chet says.

“Attaboy!” Ash says, helping Chet up.

Together they stand behind the counter, facing the customer.

“What seems to be the problem, ma’am?” Chet feigns a deeper, more serious voice.

“This Bozo won’t give me a refund for this crappy toaster,” she complains.

“Sorry, ma’am, store policy. Maybe some coupons to go toward the next one you want to roast?” he asks.

She scoffs, storming out without grabbing the poor, half-melted machine.

Chet blinks, brain still catching up with the interaction.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asks.

“What? No, you did perfect. Thanks, man, I really owe you one,” Ash says.

“Don’t mention it,” Chet smiles, head empty of their earlier agreement.

The last hour until closing creeps by deathly slow. Ash didn’t necessarily have important plans for the evening, just the weekly outing to the bar with Chet. Knock back a few drinks, convince a hot babe to come back home with him or spend 5-10 minutes with him in the men’s room. The sweet life of a small town bachelor.

But last week’s visit to Madeline’s still hung heavy on his mind. He couldn’t forget how he felt seeing her that night, punch to the face included. It was really starting to harsh his mellow. How can he focus on finding someone to spend the night with when the only someone he can think of his her? And chicks _hate_ when you say the wrong name.

He’d burned through his whole stash within two days of buying it, trying to forget her before he went actually crazy. Any time he thought of her that damn cabin always followed. Each time he replayed that moment, following into her room, they instead stepped into that damn cellar. He loses her in the darkness, maniacal laughter over her screams. And always with the blood.

The sputtering of the Delta’s engine snaps him back to reality. Ash hadn’t even realized he’d already clocked out and hit the road.

“Well that’s just great,” he says.

Ash pulls to the side of the road. He grabs a flashlight from the glove box before popping the hood. White smoke billows forth.

With some fidgeting he finds the issue in the radiator. Resting his head on the grill he considers releasing the hood and ending it all. Headlights rounding the corner make him reconsider.

~

Madeline loved Fridays. Ever since Greta moved in with her, Regina, and Robin, every Friday night was family night. Activities could range from playing board games together to all raiding the local Dairy Queen to wreak havoc on the locals. But the best nights, as far as Madeline is concerned, are the nights spent at the drive-in. No pressure to keep up conversation, tons of junk food, and lots of potential clients. And she loves having something to talk about with her roommates after. A way to fit into conversation easier while she finds her footing.

Tonight they’d have to sneak Greta in, hiding her under a pile of blankets in the flatbed with Regina sitting next to her, distracting from prying eyes. Robin opted to sit in the flatbed as well, not liking the smell of Madeline’s cigarettes as she drove. Normally they could all ride up front together, but since it would be some sort of horror movie tonight none of them wanted to risk Greta getting kicked out. She insists all her friends are going to be there, including her crush. That always pulls at her roommates’ heartstrings, all wanting to give her a chance at a normal high school experience.

As they round the bend only a few minutes away Madeline spots a yellow Delta on the side of the road.

She considers not stopping, but a hand slapping the roof of the car indicates Regina believes they should.

With a groan Madeline pulls up behind the Delta.

Ash jogs over, ready to thank this mystery Good Samaritan. Shielding his eyes from the headlights, it takes a few blinks for him to recognize Madeline at the wheel. Robin and Regina wave hello and he reciprocates enthusiastically before turning to Madeline.

“Hey, sweet cheeks, lucky running into you,” Ash says.

Madeline looks down her nose at him, gesturing toward his car with an eyebrow cocked in question.

Ash stands on the step of the door, leaning on the open window.

“Radiator,” he shrugs, “Think I could get a ride?”

Greta pops her head out, “Ashy Slashy! We’re going to the movies, get in!”

Madeline glares at Ash. He smiles, knowing she can’t refuse him now. Slapping the side he hops down, ready to jump in back.

“Up front,” Madeline demands, voice cold.

Ash throws his hands up in surrender, moving around to the passenger side. Once inside Madeline starts up the car again, not turning down the radio as she drives off.

Grimacing, Ash decides to turn it down himself.

“Headache, sorry,” he smiles, a glint in his eye.

She doesn’t look at him, staring at the road intently. White-knuckling the wheel.

“You can hitch a ride with someone else at the drive-in,” Madeline says.

Ash sits back, hurt but determined.

“But it’s so cold tonight, sure you don’t need me to keep you warm?” he tries.

“I brought blankets,” she responds.

Ash groans, resting his head against the half-lowered window. Surprised, Madeline risks a glance toward him. He’s never given up this quickly before. He looks miserable. Maybe he’s just upset about his car, Madeline convinces herself.

They park as the opening credits roll. Robin and Regina uncover Greta, lifting her out of the flatbed between them.

Greta runs to the passenger side to get Ash’s attention.

“You’re going to watch with us right? I hear this one’s like a thousand times gorier than the first!” she gushes.

“He’s meeting up with some other friends,” Madeline lies.

Ash bites his tongue, prosthetic fingers tapping against the door.

“Boo! We’re way cooler!” Greta stomps her foot.

“Now, you listen to your mother and don’t have any fun,” Ash feigns a fatherly tone.

“But you have to keep Mads company! She gets so scared,” Greta pleads.

Blood rushes to Madeline’s cheeks. She glares at Greta, shooing her to go buy snacks with Robin and Regina.

“Horror’s not my favorite either,” Ash says, turning to face her again.

She can feel his dark eyes burning into her.

“Tough guy scared of a movie?” she scoffs.

He swallows dryly, forcing a laugh.

Madeline picks at her nails, refusing to let herself look at him. Ash readjusts, struggling with how to approach her now.

“I could sit through it, just this once,” he says, “for you.”

Madeline tenses at his words. She desperately tries to come up with something, anything to say. To tell him off, to kick him out, to finally have some clever one-liner to shut him up for good. No, to make him smile that goofy smile…

“If you’d be so brave, sir,” she says.

 _What was that?_ She slams her head on the steering wheel, burying her face in her hands. A call back to his service voice last week, but trapped in the mouth of a medieval peasant? She hasn’t burned this hot since she caught the flu last year and nearly boiled to death. If she’s lucky the second-hand embarrassment will kill him.

But he laughs. A deep, rumbling laugh.

Madeline peaks over her fingers at him, to watch that stupid smile spread across his face. The way his eyes crinkle and loose curls bounce. A new heat builds in the pit of her stomach.

Ash calms, scooting closer. Even when sitting he towers over her. He stops halfway, not wanting to put an early end to her willingness to play along with him. Dark eyes searching for her reaction, hand resting on the back of her seat.

Madeline sits up, arms crossed over her body defensively. She can’t stop from biting her lip. Wanting to meet him the rest of the way, but her brain is running a mile a minute. She remembers a pre-roll she stashed in her sun visor.

“I almost forgot,” she interrupts, letting the joint fall down into her hand.

Ash leans back as if she punched him again, but he recovers into a charming smile.

“Right on,” he says.

Madeline reaches across him for a lighter, hand accidentally grazing his knee. Reflexively he pulls away. He hopes she didn’t notice.

A knock on the door causes him to jump again.

“How’s it going, handsome?” A woman rests her head on the window, batting her eyelashes.

“Hey…you,” Ash tries to hide his panic.

She looks around him to see Madeline lighting up.

“On a date?” the woman asks.

Madeline perks up, eyes darting between the woman and Ash. She can feel the heat boiling over in her face.

“With her? No way, not Mad Lin!” Ash jokes, waving his hand at her dismissively.

Madeline realizes now it really was bile in her stomach, not butterflies.

“What are you up to tonight?” Ash winks at the woman.

Madeline practically falls out of the car, walking as fast as she can to the bathrooms.

~

She hurls into the toilet, gripping it tight, the only thing preventing her from drifting away. Carefully, Madeline checks behind her ear. To her relief the joint is still there. Leaning back against the stall door she lifts a boot-clad foot to flush.

She takes a deep breath, holding until the pain in her chest moves from her heart to her lungs. A soft cry escapes as she exhales.

“Stupid,” she bangs the back of her head on the door.

Madeline hunches over a sink, splashing water on her face and gargles out the taste of regurgitated burgers. Staring in the mirror she clenches her jaw. This is why we don’t talk to losers.

Stomach churned inside out and face rinsed she hurries out of the bathroom. She paid for a movie and damn it, she’s going to watch it. At least he’ll be long gone by the time she gets back.

“There you are,” Ash smiles, leaning against a table just outside.

How long had he been waiting, she wonders. Maybe he’s a government experiment that’s been unleashed just to torture her. He saunters up, hands buried in his pockets.

“The movies already half over and I still need a hit,” he says.

Madeline releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, handing Ash the joint. He leans in, taking a long drag as she holds it as steady as possible in her trembling hand. She watches him from the corner of her eye.

He’s looking for a reaction. No matter how hard she grits her teeth she can’t stop from blushing.

As he stands back up, she nods her head toward the car.

“Don’t worry about it, I found some other folks to hassle for the night,” Ash says.

The fire in her eyes fades, a cold stare failing to hide her disappointment. She forces a smile.

“Cool,” she says.

Waving good-bye she leaves before he can say anything else.

Ash frowns, his mask of oblivious Casanova slipping for a moment. He kicks himself internally; he must have misread. No matter what he tries, he can’t make heads or tails of what Madeline thinks of him. The obvious guess, of course, is she hates him. Any woman that doesn’t try to sleep with him right away definitely hates him, he’s sure of it.

And yet, she doesn’t call him names. That’s something, right? She even told a joke tonight! And she’s not afraid to run drop-offs at his place. She wasn’t afraid to let him in her room. Where they would be alone together, where she might let her guard down. Where they could have tried, if he wasn’t such a goddamn coward.

He watches her go, no witty line this time. Just the cold walk back to the other woman’s car. It’s the goal anyway, he reassures himself. If everyone he loves dies then all he needs to do is never fall in love. It’s simple, really. The unlovable and unloving Ashley Joanna Williams scores again.

~

Climbing into the flatbed of her truck, Madeline collapses into her friends, rolling all the blankets around herself dramatically. Robin unravels her while Greta pleads to hear the drama. Madeline waves off their concerns, opting to nap for the remainder of the film. Wishing for the high to empty her mind of these ridiculous fantasies.


	4. It's Real the Moment You Tell Your Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our blessed idiots, Ash and Madeline, reach out to their respective friends to beg for advice.

Ash does some of his best thinking in the stock room of S-Mart. His favorite part of a shift is customers demanding he check in back for some product or another. Inventory is stocked every morning, with the back room containing the same couple boxes and pallets since the store opened however many years ago, if the dust on them has anything to say about it.

“Checking in the back” is the perfect excuse for Ash to kill upwards of twenty minutes at a time. Sitting on a dinky fold-out chair, tapping his fingers on the molding card table, uncovered fluorescent bulbs swaying in the A/C. And with the reek of old cardboard and stale bread the manager, Randall, refuses to go back there for any reason. Including to wrangle his lazy employees. An oasis in the desert of service industry hell.

Today Ash was asked to “check in the back” for another 6-pack of beer like the customer was holding, despite there being a whole shelf of them right by the man’s feet. Ash smiled as if he’d been handed the world.

Unable to hide his glee, Ash finds and corrals Chet into the stockroom with him. Such good fortune must be shared with a friend. And he’d just restocked his supply from Madeline the day before. Of course the glory of a stockroom is, ultimately, in its ideal set-up for hotboxing.

Chet, guaranteed high before every shift anyway, gladly rolls another joint for them to share while Ash looks for the rock station on the radio.

“How’d it go with what’s-her-name last night?” Chet asks, sealing the joint.

“No idea. Everything was going fine until she freaked out on me. Ran out of the car so fast I could hardly keep up,” Ash says.

“Who?” Chet asks.

“Madeline,” Ash looks at him confused.

“What are you talking about, man? Victoria drove you home last night.”

Ash slaps his face, reaching for the joint to take a long hit.

“Oh yeah, still no idea. Blacked out before we got there, woke up on the porch,” Ash coughs.

“You bail on our plans just to black out alone? That’s sad, dude.”

Ash passes back the joint, rolling his eyes.

“Can’t a man drown his sorrows in solitude every once in a while?”

“You were about to get laid, man, what?” Chet pulls at his own face, laughing at the absurdity of Ash’s line of reasoning.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter,” Ash crosses his arms in a huff.

Chet throws his hands up in consternation, watching his friend pout over nothing. Ash’s leg bounces with anxiety, helping Chet, slowly but surely, piece together the issue.

“Oh! This is about that weed chick,” Chet practically shouts.

“Of course it’s about her!” Ash snaps, “Now keep it down.”

Laughing at his friend’s annoyance, Chet mimes sealing his own lips with a key.

He’d managed to go this long without admitting it but, whether he liked it or not, Ash had caught feelings for Mad Lin. At first he enjoyed the chase, practically every woman fell to his advances, eventually, but Madeline was the one woman unfazed by it all. Neither in love with him or loathing him. Even his best lines wouldn’t earn more than a grunt of acknowledgment from her. But sometimes, those precious few times, he’d catch her smiling. Her light chuckle so quiet he would question if it happened at all. The ridiculous things he’s done to try to elicit that response from her.

He wanted to hate her, to blame his failures on something being wrong with her, not him, but she got along with most everyone. He’d seen her laugh to tears with her friends before; he knew there was a woman with a heart and soul behind that tough exterior. And God, did he want to tear through that exterior.

“Doesn’t she hate everyone?” Chet asks, “I mean, she’s super nice to me, but she really hates you.”

“She does not,” Ash says, wrinkling his face in disgust.

“Then why is she always looking around for you? And gets all weird when you talk to her?”

They look knowingly at each other then speak simultaneously,

“She has a crush on me.” “She’s avoiding you.”

“Wait, what?” Chet stops, holding his hands out to slow the spinning and gather his thoughts.

“You think she’s avoiding me?” Ash’s voice cracks into a yell.

“Well I don’t know now! Your idea makes sense too,” Chet sputters.

Ash leans in, beaming with excitement, “So I’m not crazy? She likes me?”

“She does give you a lot of pot,” Chet nods.

Ash opens his mouth to agree then stops, narrowing his eyes to process what the hell Chet’s talking about.

“You know I pay for it, right?”

Chet shakes his head between a yes and a no, smiling wide.

“Okay. So, should I ask her out? Or keep it cool?” Ash asks.

“Shit, man, I don’t know. She’s really intense.”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Ash grins.

“But, what if she does hate you?” Chet asks, serious as can be, “What if she stops giving you weed?”

Ash sits back, head rolling at the thought of an outright rejection and losing his dealer in one blow. This will be his biggest challenge yet. With no lives at stake that is, at least he hopes. The last time he had a girlfriend was forever ago, before he unleashed that damn book. Since then he’s only had one-night stands with anyone who buckles by closing time. How would he even begin to woo someone, especially an ice queen like Madeline? Are flowers still romantic? Is Dairy Queen too cheap for a date? Should he bring a condom? Is jewelry too forward? Can he even afford it?

“This is a nightmare,” Ash buries his face in his hands.

“Just be yourself,” Chet reassures him.

Ash’s face contorts with overdramatic sorrow. That has worked for him a grand total of never, to the point his one-liners and sleazy charms warped into a piece of who he is just to scrape by. As he stews in the horror of realizing he’s the one crushing, Ash remembers he still needs to help that customer.

“We’ll talk more later,” Ash says, bolting out of the room.

~

Madeline pokes through the toolbox resting on the stool beside her, hoping the torque wrench Robin asked her for would reveal itself. Robin pushes herself out from under the car to grab the wrench off the side of the stool.

“Thought keeping it separate would help,” Robin mocks, sliding underneath again.

“Sorry, not all here today,” Madeline laughs, knocking on her head.

The sounds of the mechanic shop drone on. Usually, visiting Robin at work is a disaster for Madeline, but her brain was already running a mile a minute.

“Are you still hung up on that asshole?” Robin groans.

“It’s not that,” Madeline lies.

Robin slides back out, staring at Madeline with the same annoyance of a mother with an unruly child.

“So what if it is about him?” Madeline huffs, crossing her arms.

“So what? Mads, he’s a dolt.”

“Greta thinks he’s cool.”

“He’s an adult that smokes pot and drinks like a fish, of course a high schooler thinks he’s cool,” Robin says.

Madeline fidgets with a wrench to avoid picking her nails. Arguments are not her territory.

“Come on, what happened to him driving you up the wall?” Robin tries to simmer down.

“He does, but,” Madeline trails off, lost in thought again.

For four years now she’s been living in Elk Grove and while business was booming, she hadn’t accomplished much else. Money is tight with taking care of Greta and land upkeep. And other than Regina and Robin, Madeline hadn’t made any other real friends. Even her old buddy from college had moved on to greener pastures. She is stuck in a rut, but Ash is too. And he doesn’t look at her like the other folks around town do. He’s always so excited to see her, even when they just bump into each other, no business at hand.

Robin tugs at Madeline’s legs playfully, “Get back here space cadet! But what?” 

Madeline laughs, kicking at her to stop from falling over.

“I don’t know! He makes me laugh.”

“No he literally does not,” Robin scoffs.

“He does! I just don’t want him to _know_ that he makes me laugh,” Madeline corrects.

“Oh, my God.”

Robin stands up, a cruel smile across her face and eyes sparkling with mischief. Before she can escape, Robin grabs hold of Madeline’s face with greasy palms.

“You’ve liked Ashy Slashy this entire time?” Robin practically shouts, a laugh booming alongside her surprise.

“Shut up!” Madeline blushes, trying to cover the grin on her face.

“I can’t believe it, no one is safe from that buffoon. Not even our dear Mad Lin,” Robin bemoans, holding Madeline to her chest in a comical hug.

“It’s not like anything is going to happen. He’s got someone lined up every night for the next 30 years probably,” Madeline rolls her eyes.

“Mads, you know I support you no matter what, but if you think that walking disaster gets laid regularly I will have you committed.”

“Please,” Madeline pushes her.

“Besides, a one-night stand ain’t nothing compared to scoring with Elk Grove’s legendary Mad Lin!” Robin flexes for added dramatic effect.

The women’s laughter floods the shop, earning suspicious glances from the other mechanics. Robin mimes putting on her “professional face” then goes back under the car to continue working.

“What got to you?” Robin asks.

Madeline thinks for a moment, a smile creeping across her face. She grips the stool, grounding herself before she gets carried away.

“The usual stuff, right? Nice hair, he’s tall,” Madeline starts.

“Spill it sister, you know what I mean.”

Throwing her head back in a silent scream Madeline tries again. Leave it to Robin to refuse her short answers.

“Alright fine. I like that he tries. Like, he thinks it’s worth it to get to know me even when I don’t say much. He’s serious sometimes too. But, the way he smiles,”

Robin stands to lean on the hood of the car, watching her friend continue.

“When I make him laugh, and he gets really into it….I feel like I’m not such a fuckup.”

Robin wipes her hands, whistling low.

“You’re in deep,” she says.

“How do I get rid of it?” Madeline asks, half-joking.

“We could kill him,” Robin shrugs, “Or you could drive him home.”

“What?”

Robin waves to someone behind Madeline, “It ain’t ready yet, give it another day. Mads here’ll drop you off.”

Madeline turns bone white, swiveling to see Ash saunter up to them, still in his S-Mart uniform, curls cascading around his face. Did he run over here?

“You couldn’t have called to tell me that?” Ash crosses his arm.

“Unlike you, I work. No time to make a phone call,” Robin taunts.

Madeline stares at her, pleading to not be left alone with Ash. Robin sneaks a wry smile at her, packing up her toolbox to move on to the next project.

“Let’s saddle up cowpoke,” Ash says.

Madeline nods, struggling to hide the embarrassment burning her alive. A worried look crosses Ash’s face. Without hesitating he closes the distance between them, stroking her cheek with his good hand.

“What happened here? Lose a fight with a grease monkey?”

Madeline is not a praying woman, but today she profusely thanks whatever is out there for covering her blushing face from him.

“Technically,” she responds curtly.

Grabbing a nearby rag Ash wipes her face, his gentle touch soothing her anxiety. 

A small eternity passes, Madeline resting her face in his hand, eyes closed. Ash watches her intently, not sure if he should lean in to kiss her or let the moment go.

“That about does it,” he smiles, holding her steady for one more look.

“Thanks,” Madeline pats his arm, stepping away toward her car.

And the moment goes. Ash curses under his breath. Of course it all goes wrong once he starts thinking. _Kiss first, think never._

Gripping her keys tight enough to draw blood, Madeline leads the way. It takes all her willpower not to stop. To look inconvenienced by him.

She sits in the driver’s seat, thumbing the wheel while waiting for Ash to hop in, but he doesn’t.

“It’s unlocked,” she says.

“You’re not going to get the door for me?”

“No.”

Ash dramatically throws his prosthetic hand across his forehead as if he will faint.

“Please, I can’t manage with only one hand,” he swoons.

Madeline glares at him, but not before betraying a hint of a smile. She attempts to lean across the cabin and open the door from within. Ash watches, smile growing wider as she struggles to reach the other side, muffled curses as she realizes she’ll have to get out.

Stomping over Madeline wrenches the door open. Ash smiles that goofy smile and hoists himself up, taking his sweet time.

“Shall I lift you up as well?” she asks.

“You can help me get something up,” he winks, looking over his shoulder.

Madeline begins to close the door on Ash, causing him to erupt in laughter as he jumps the rest of the way inside.

~

Thankfully, Ash granted Madeline a mostly silent drive, letting the radio fill the silence for them. He tapped along to the music, content to stare outside the window while she focused on anything but him.

Parking along the opposite side of the street, Madeline turns the car off. They both sit for a minute, neither wanting to say goodbye.

“Have time to come up for a bit?” Ash asks.

Madeline looks up from her lap, meeting his dark eyes. There was no joke this time, no hidden meaning. Just a man in need, leaning toward her. Hoping to correct his earlier mistake of letting the moment go without kissing her.

She turns away, practically ripping the skin off her thumb. It doesn’t make sense. She just told Robin about it all today and now suddenly he’s asking her to sleep with him? He hardly knows anything about her, she thinks.

“That doesn’t seem…” she starts.

“No,” Ash interrupts, “I’m sorry I asked.”

Without the radio playing the silence drags on, grating at their skin.

“How about we go out sometime? When my car’s fixed,” he starts, for once not watching her face, too scared to see it all crash and burn, “A movie or dinner. You like dinner, right?”

“Never heard of it,” Madeline responds, unflinching.

“What?” Ash reels back, only to see a smirk tugging at her cheek, “Oh, you are so cruel to me.”

“Do you hate it?” she asks.

He purrs this time, a rumble in his chest, “You don’t want to know what I think.” 

Every muscle in her body tenses at the sound, waiting for him to use that voice again but praying for mercy that he won’t. He knows it worked this time, but if he doesn’t get out of this car fast she might be able to guess what he’s thinking a bit too easily.

“Catch you on the flip-flop, baby,” he says, hopping out of her truck.

She watches him cross the street and skip up the steps, turning to wave goodbye before closing the front door behind him.

Gasping for air Madeline turns on the truck, cranking the radio all the way up. A date with Ash? What was she thinking? Was this even real? Maybe she just wasn’t thinking. _Is that so bad once in a while?_


	5. So Maybe it is a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Madeline go on their first date. fluff/angst

After a few days, Robin finally returned the Delta to Ash. No doubt to interfere with his plans, he’s sure of it. Unfortunately, he did not use this extra time to his date with Madeline. He had imagined every possible scenario with her, of course, but putting them together into an actual plan? Hell no. Dates are a thing of the past for Ash. Why bother when he can slum it at the bar, no hard thinking required. He bangs his head into the wall, hoping to rattle his synapses into a coherent thought. Coming up empty again, he settles on calling Chet. Never mind that Chet is equally, if not more, unsuccessful in the dating game. Ash is desperate to not fuck up for once. And two brains is always better than one, he hopes.

~

Chet lazily tosses a dart at the corkboard from his chair, arcing far to the side, a complete miss. Ash picks it up for him, knowing Chet will forget and end up with tetanus. The two of them have been hanging out in Chet’s parent’s garage since they were kids. Chet’s parents haven’t been too welcoming since the whole massacre thing, but they let Ash pop in from time to time to keep their...odd...son occupied.

“I can’t believe she said yes,” Chet says.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Ash scoffs, “I’m quite the catch.”

Ash pushes his hair back while Chet claps for him.

“Right on, man, keep that confidence.”

Ash rolls his eyes, chucking the dart behind him into the board.

“So, what are your big plans?” Chet asks.

Ash flops onto the tattered old sofa, long legs hanging off the edges. He stares at the ceiling distraught, like a patient with his therapist on the verge of a breakthrough he doesn’t want to have.

“Don’t know,” he sighs.

“Did you ask what she wants to do?”

Ash grimaces, where does Chet get off having better intuition?

“I could give her a call,” Ash starts.

“No way, you’d look lame if you did that now,” Chet shushes him.

Ash sinks further into the couch, defeated.

“Dude, no, don’t do that. You’re gonna break it,” Chet holds his hands out to Ash.

With a groan Ash grabs onto his friend, letting Chet lift him from the comfy confines of despair. Sitting up does not stop his pouting.

“What’s there to do in this Podunk town anyway?” Ash complains.

“Just do what we usually do,” Chet shrugs.

Ash shoots him a disgusted look, “I’m not taking her to Mammary Lane.”

“That would be fun,” Chet smiles, “But, no, I meant the other thing.”

Ash paces back and forth, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Chet holds a triumphant pose, waiting for Ash to thank him for his invaluable advice.

“That’s not actually a bad idea, compadre,” Ash admits.

“Thank you,” Chet bows comically.

The two friends knock back a few more beers, killing time and calming Ash’s nerves. With a little added flair he’s certain he can turn a regular hang-out into a romantic date.

~

Madeline sinks into her bed, a pile of clothes, jewelry, and make-up strewn across her as Robin and Regina scour her closet for anything presentable. The two friends added their own clothes into the mix as well, anything to help Madeline reach a decision with any semblance of confidence. She doesn’t mind helping them prepare for dates, but something about gussying up for this guy doesn’t sit well with her. _But he’s not just some guy._ Madeline groans, rolling over and toppling the mountain of cosmetics.

“None of that young missy, we have to get you into something,” Regina wags a finger at her.

“It’s fine, he knows what I look like already,” Madeline pulls at her face, “If I change it up on him he’ll think it’s weird.”

Robin snatches a flannel away before Madeline can reach it.

“Absolutely not!” Robin threatens.

“I will evict you guys, I’m not kidding around,” Madeline feigns seriousness.

“You can kick us out tomorrow,” Regina says, holding a woolen turtleneck up to Madeline.

“Not with my jacket,” Madeline groans.

“Shut up you’re not gonna wear that jacket,” Regina says.

Robin throws a scarf at Regina’s face, “She can’t cover her neck either, she’s going on a date with Ashy Slashy, not a gentleman.”

The two friends laugh uproariously while Madeline begs them to stop, blushing head to toe. Hoping that playing along will free her from their torment, Madeline grabs one of Regina’s old sweaters, a tight striped wool, mostly black broken up by horizontal zigzags of red, yellow, green, and blue.

“How about this? I don’t hate this one,” she offers, holding it up for their approval.

They look surprised by her choice, as if she’s finally come to her senses. Robin golf claps, nodding approvingly.

“We can work with this,” Regina smiles.

She tosses Madeline a pair of high-waisted berry corduroys, thick enough to handle the cold night ahead of her. Madeline protests, but Regina won’t hear it.

“You’ll thank me when you put them on,” she waves away Madeline’s concerns.

Robin rifles through the closet, eagerly grabbing a shearling-lined jean jacket to add to the mix.

“Robin, no!” Regina tries to slap the jacket out of the air, but Madeline is faster this time.

“She needs at least one thing she’s comfortable in,” Robin argues.

Madeline cradles the jacket, rubbing it on her face like a beloved stuffed animal from childhood.

“My knight in shining armor,” Madeline laughs.

“Fine, just know that it totally ruins my vision,” Regina pouts.

The women clean up the mess they created as best they can, an attempt to help Madeline calm herself before Ash arrives. Madeline shoos her friends out of the room before they can offer their services for hair and make-up, she’s had enough help for one evening. Besides, her usual look must have had some charm already, no need to change everything for one stupid date.

After changing, Madeline joins Robin and Regina in the living room to their hoots and hollers. A wolf whistle is thrown in for good measure and Madeline finally laughs, lighting a cigarette to stop her trembling.

“Not inside, Mads,” Robin groans.

“I’ll wait out front then,” Madeline rolls her eyes, but is immediately accosted by her friends.

“What?” she yelps.

They cling to her arms, dragging her to the sofa.

“He has to come to the door and knock,” Regina says.

“Yeah! We gotta make sure he treats you like a lady, and see how he cleans up,” Robin teases.

Rolling out of their strong grip Madeline chuckles, putting out her cigarette on the ashtray Greta made for her in shop class.

“At this rate you two should just come with.”

They sit back, relinquishing their dear Madeline to enjoy her date. She is nervous enough, they didn’t need to act like overbearing parents too, as much fun as it is to bother her.

A knock at the door casts aside their willpower as they bolt into the hallway behind her. Regina leans on the banister while Robin sits on the stairs, acting as nonchalant as possible.

“Hate you guys,” Madeline smirks.

A second knock and her uninterested demeanor returns, a shell of calmness to carry her through the terror of a first date. He’s right on time, 8p.m. sharp. She thanks whatever is out there for the cold air that rushes in as she opens the door, a perfect excuse for the shiver that runs across her skin.

“Hey, sweetheart. Clean up just for me?” Ash smiles.

Madeline wants to punch him again, but notices he may have one-upped her this time. His brown work pants and denim shirt look clean and…did he use an iron on them? He smells like expensive cologne she imagines a rich dad would ask for on father’s day. A thick corduroy jacket a size too big for him completes the look, no doubt actually stolen from a dad. But she can’t dock points for that; half her outfit consists of her roommates’ clothes too. She knows she’s been staring too long, but the porch light catches his curls just right, haloing him like an angel. She notices a fresh cut by his neck. This bastard even went for a clean shave. And are those…

“These are for you,” he holds out a bouquet of flowers.

“You never said where we’re going,” Madeline takes the flowers, using them to cover her blushing face.

She’s determined to play it cool; even if she can clearly see how hard Ash is trying.

“Right,” Ash bounces in place, “it’s a surprise, you’re gonna love it.”

Robin is already at Madeline’s side with a vase, startling her. Madeline shoots her a look of “can you believe it, flowers?” eliciting a not so quiet chuckle as Robin hurries away with the gift.

Ash turns sideways, extending his arm for Madeline to hold onto. She raises her hand but hesitates, biting her lip. She glances up at him, his smile unwavering. Those dumb brown eyes watching, waiting for her response. Heaving a sigh she wraps her mittened hand into the crux of his elbow. He pulls her close, leading her to the Delta.

“Watch this,” he says, holding his hands out to indicate she should wait there.

Madeline raises an eyebrow, a nervous smile replacing her blush. Ash hops into the car and peaks through the window to check if she’s still watching. A glint in his eyes, she recognizes as something that only happens before he does something _really_ stupid. Leaning across the passenger seat he opens the side door with ease, taunting her inability to do so last time.

“You asshole,” she yells, stomping into the Delta and slamming the door shut.

“Pretty cool, huh?”

“This date better be out of this world,” Madeline laughs, more tickled than annoyed by his antics. This time.

~

Madeline recognizes the outdoor ice rink as they park in a crowded lot. She hasn’t skated since she was a kid, back in her hometown. She skated all the time back then, but felt she grew out of it in high school. It, of course, had nothing to do with falling on her ass and breaking her tailbone a week before Christmas when she was 11. Swallowing her pride, she walks alongside Ash, ready to conquer the rink all these years later.

Ash helps her tie her skates, sneaking a glance up at her as she thousand-yard stares toward the rink.

“Nervous?” he asks.

“No, just chilly,” she lies.

“How about now?” he places his hand further up her leg.

Madeline playfully swats his hand away, “Watch it, buster, I have knives on my feet now.”

The effect is immediate. Ash’s eyes bolt wide open, as if she threatened his very life, but that glint of something stupid. Dramatically he clasps his hands in prayer.

“Please, ma’am, I don’t want any trouble. Here, take my wallet,” he fumbles through his jacket pockets.

“You’re impossible!” Madeline laughs.

She shoves his shoulder, almost knocking him down. He smiles wide, that goofy face melting Madeline’s heart. Gingerly they make their way to the rink, Ash gripping Madeline a bit tighter. She holds back another laugh; he’s much wobblier on skates than her.

But her giggles bubble over as they step onto the ice, Ash white-knuckling the rail and squeezing the blood from her hand. Somehow, his struggling helps her keep her footing, all those years of practice returning as muscle memory.

“Is this your first time?” Madeline asks.

“No,” Ash says, letting go of the wall to fall into it again, “Just never got the hang of it.”

Madeline opts to skate in front, facing Ash in case he needs help.

“Showoff,” Ash grumbles.

“It’s easy,” Madeline smiles, “Once you find your bearings it’s smooth sailing.”

“Smooth skating,” he laughs, nearly falling again.

“Let go of the side or you’ll never get it.”

Begrudgingly he does as she says. It takes all her strength not to outright laugh in his face as he shakes like a newborn deer. His wobbly legs moments away from slipping out from under him like a Three Stooges bit, but kinda hot.

“See, you’re doing great,” Madeline says.

Ash’s movements are closer to stepping than skating.

“Horseshit,” he responds.

“You chose this place,” Madeline taunts.

Attempting to mimic the other skaters Ash slowly adapts. Slowly.

“I thought it would be a bit more,” he trails off.

Watching his face contort into intense focus, Madeline bites her lip. He’s cute even when he’s serious, a certain danger in his dark eyes. She doesn’t see the other skaters approaching rapidly.

“On a date, Ashy Slashy?” one of them taunts, another sticking a leg out to knock him over.

Without thinking Madeline trips one of them, sending them skidding across the ice. That distracts the pack, more worried about their cohort than harassing Ash. An employee skids up to them, furious and demanding they leave immediately.

Ash groans, slamming his head back into the ice. Madeline reaches down to him, a soft smile of worry.

“Can I wallow for a bit?” Ash asks.

Madeline shakes her head sympathetically, “No, it’s my date and I’m hungry.”

“Love a woman who takes charge,” he winks, letting her help him up.

Ash insists he can walk fine, limping his way to the car. His hiss when sitting causes Madeline to roll her eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to take a look?” she asks.

“If you’re offering,” he says, undoing his belt.

“Oh my God, stop!” she slaps at his shoulder.

He grins ear-to-ear, pulse jumping each time she touches him. Even if it is to hit him in jest.

“Alright, alright,” he surrenders, turning on the car.

The radio is tuned to the local rock station, playing to their heightened nerves as they pull up to the Dairy Queen. Madeline can’t stifle an unamused scoff. Ash rolls his eyes at her dramatically.

“Cool your jets,” he says, “I coordinated with my friend here ahead of time, you just sit tight and don’t go anywhere.”

Ash watches for her response. Though still annoyed, Madeline nods, sitting back in her seat. She motions with her hand for him to go, to just try and impress her. Smug look on his face, he hops out of the car, letting himself in through the back entrance. Madeline furrows her brow, he definitely doesn’t work here, but she’s at least interested to see where this goes.

Madeline lights a cigarette to calm her nerves, she’s not even sure what she’s nervous about anymore. If he was going to order for her she would’ve preferred to go inside with. Before she can take a second drag the back entrance opens and out steps a triumphant Ash.

It was as if the world switched to slow motion: his long gait, hair blowing in the chilling night air, a wicked grin on his face, a glint in his eyes, and his arms full of every snack you could possibly order. Madeline couldn’t believe that monstrosity on ice could balance all that food with what looked like no effort.

This time Madeline crawls to the driver’s side door to open it for him. Ash grunts a quick thanks, pushing the door the rest of the way with a leg. She helps him stash the plunder into the car before he hops back in.

“What’d you do, bang the manager?” Madeline laughs.

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Ash winks.

They peel out of the lot, onward to the last stop of the date.

~

The Christmas lights of nearby houses mingle with the stars reflecting off the thinly frozen lake together. Madeline stares in awe, for such a small town there’s still pieces of Elk Grove she has yet to discover. How lucky that Ash is here to guide her. The first snow of the season only hit last week, hardly enough to stick, melting away to leave slicks of ice to sparkle in the moonlight. Ash taps her shoulder, bringing her back down to reality. He smiles, handing her the joint they’d been sharing. Between the two of them they’d managed to eat damn near everything. _So much for being ladylike_ , Madeline shakes her head. With the food devoured they had no excuse not to talk, difficult as it was for Madeline to admit.

“I haven’t been out here before,” Madeline starts, “the lights, it’s really pretty.”

Ash nods, not taking his eyes off her, “Yeah, really pretty.”

She turns to see him staring at her; she covers her face to hide her blushing. Laughing at her embarrassment Ash leans over, poking her stomach. She yelps, smacking him away playfully, no longer able to cover her face.

“What was that for?” she sounds as indignant as possible.

“You keep hiding when you laugh, it’s not fair,” he replies matter-of-fact.

That throws her into a fit of giggles, turning away completely to avoid his daring gaze. Now he _definitely_ knows he makes her laugh, it was only a matter of time.

“How’d a softie like you get a name like ‘Mad Lin’ anyway?” Ash asks.

Madeline calms enough to look at him again, covering her mouth with a hand. Still giggling, but ready to bite back.

“You really want to play that game?” She raises an eyebrow.

Ash blows a raspberry, feigning annoyance. Madeline sits up and crosses her arms, she won’t budge.

“Come on, no one’s told you how I got mine already?” he asks.

“Is it true?” she dares.

Ash falls back in his seat, not expecting her to ask so directly. She can’t believe it’s true, why would she go on a date with him if she did? Unless she really is mad. His doe-eyes can’t hide the hurt he feels at her question.

“How can you ask that?”

Madeline looks away, finding the strength to explain.

“I mean, sometimes people see what they want to see, or project whatever shit they’re dealing with. And some ‘other’ is always there to take the brunt of it,” Madeline starts.

She picks at fingers, not wanting to look at him yet. She struggles with words as is, watching his reaction would be too much. But he watches, and his heart feels like it’ll crawl out of his throat with wanting to hold her.

She continues, “My fault is, I don’t talk much. And that wigs people out. So, it must mean that I’m crazy or a bitch, or both.”

Madeline looks at him now, her heart skipping a beat. His soft eyes like a warm blanket fresh from the dryer on a cold night like this.

“I’m not good with words, so I don’t bother with them,” she smiles, trying to gulp the pain in her throat back down. 

She meets him halfway this time, leaning into his open arms as he pulls her into a tight embrace, resting her forehead on his. For a moment they sit there, breathing slowly together. Ash runs his good hand across her cheek, a tenderness she couldn’t have predicted.

“I knew you were just shy,” Ash sighs, “no one listened to me, but I knew.”

Madeline’s eyes flutter open to read his face.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

Ash continues holding her, gently stroking her face.

“You know what they say around town, that Mad Lin hates everyone, she’d kill you soon as look at you, she’s a prude, the personification of ice, an alien that crash landed on Earth” he rambles, “I knew I’d get to you eventually though.”

Not paying attention to a word he’s saying Ash smiles. It all seems so ridiculous now, the idea that she was some soulless gargoyle for not taking everyone’s shit.

Madeline pulls away, unsure how to process what’s been said. Is that really what everyone thinks of her? Is this some trial, a dare to see if anyone can get close to her, to crack the ice queen?

“Wow! I can’t believe how late it is already. I should get back home, don’t want to worry the girls,” she trips over her words, looking anywhere but at him.

Ash gulps. He managed to fuck it up, big surprise. But the night had been going so well, maybe it’s not too late to salvage the situation.

“Are you sure? We could go to my place and…”

“No, no. I’m so tired. I really think you should take me to my house. Right now,” Madeline interrupts.

“Sure, yeah, off we go,” Ash starts the car.

They drive in silence, neither willing to even turn on the radio. Each time Ash moves to say something, anything, he stops, letting the air slip through his teeth in defeat. It’s not often Ash is at a loss for words, but for once he trusts his instinct to shut up. Madeline stares out the window, watching the trees speed by in the dark, resting her face against the cool glass to still the burning in her eyes, picking the skin of her fingers to distract from the growing pit in her throat.

The gravel of the driveway under tires pulls Madeline back, glancing to the dashboard to see it’s well past midnight. Ash waits a moment, fighting the urge to stay quiet.

“I had a good time, Madeline, I really did,” he starts, “Maybe I could take you out again sometime?”

She chances a look at his face, meeting his genuine gaze.

“Do you think all that about me too?”

“No! Of course not. That’s just what everyone else says. Hell, they think I murdered all my friends so we know they aren’t the brightest bunch in this town,” he tries, “I think we got a lot in common here.”

“‘Cause I don’t call you that name?” she smiles, a test.

“You’re the only person that doesn’t treat me like a freak,” he risks a hand on hers.

Nearly every week for four years Madeline had seen Ash. At first it was just quick deals, but eventually he’d push for more conversation. Harsh as she came off, she’d always been kind enough to let him ramble. She let everyone complain to her about whatever weird shit they were dealing with. Whether she liked it or not, Madeline knew more about everyone in this town than their closest friends. She’d heard all the stories about Ash, far more about him being a cheat than a killer though. Despite it all, she couldn’t crush her feelings for him. No matter how many times clients would regale her with tales of his debauchery or how many hearts he’d broken, she’d always hoped for a chance. After four years of exhausting every other option in town, it seems he’s finally landed on her.

“Only took how long for you to figure that out?” she scoffs.

“No one ever accused me of being a smart man.”

Madeline unlocks the door, stepping into the cold night. She leans her head in for a final goodbye.

“I’m not a last resort,” she says, slamming the door.

Storming into her house, Madeline is met by all three of her roommates, waiting eagerly in the living room for her return to hear every detail. Ash drives the long way home, screaming along to the radio until his throat aches. If he can’t say anything right, then perhaps it’s best he not be able to say anything at all.


	6. Never Brood in Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madeline seeks help from Robin. Ash goes to the strip club with Chet to ask for a woman's perspective.

“I said I’m fine, I’m going to bed,” Madeline says.

It takes everything ounce of her strength to not burst into tears upon entering the house to see her three friends, even Greta opting to stay up late. They were all so eager to hear about her first date, knowing she’d been looking forward to it for days, and secretly hoping for it for years before that. 

“Mads what is it?” Robin asks, running up to her friend, “Did he do something to you?”

Madeline looks away, hoping that she can avoid they’re interrogation. Regina holds Greta’s arm, a suggestion to stay put to avoid overwhelming the situation.

“Nothing, he didn’t try anything, I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

“You promise?” Robin asks, finally getting Madeline to make eye contact.

The tremor in her hands moves to her lips, face burning as she feels the tears spill down her face.

“No,” Madeline cries.

Robin holds her in a tight hug, guiding her to the sofa with gentle shushes and coos. Madeline lies down, burying her face in a pillow while Regina wraps a blanket around her. Greta runs upstairs to grab Madeline’s favorite stuffed animal for some added comfort. A shaky hand reaches out for the stuffed teddy bear, pulling it into the blankets.

“Thanks you guys,” Madeline chokes out between sobs.

“What happened, Mads?” Regina asks, stroking the hair above Madeline’s ear comfortingly.

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself and sitting up. She can’t help a small laugh at how ridiculous she must look, crying over a known womanizer like Ash.

“It was really fun. I was having a good time, but,” she stops, her trembling lips threatening more crying is on the way.

“Do you want to burn the flowers first, then talk?” Robin suggests.

Madeline nods, tears collecting along her lashes despite the smile at her friend’s suggestion. Together they all make their way to the kitchen, Regina grabbing the vase and Madeline pulling her lighter out of her jacket pocket. 

“But they’re so pretty,” Greta frowns.

“We’ll go buy some just for you tomorrow,” Regina boops Greta’s nose playfully.

Madeline wipes her nose on her sleeve, taking one of the flowers from the bouquet presented to her by Regina. She lights the petals, watching them curl against the heat before igniting, flame gliding down along the stem. They watch in silence as she lets it fall into the sink.

“This is the only way you should ever play with fire,” Madeline warns Greta.

“I’m not a kid anymore, you old bag,” Greta teases, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t talk to mother like that,” Robin laughs.

Madeline lights another flower, smiling through the tears at the sound of her friends poking fun at one another. It’s hard to stay sad for long in such good, loud company. Robin and Greta argue about the importance of respecting one’s elders while Regina chuckles, sitting on the counter next to the sink.

“Their stupid argument cheering you up?” Regina asks, handing Madeline another flower.

Madeline hums affirmatively, watching the flames progress toward her fingers. Another offering of ashes down the drain. She takes a deep breath, entranced by her work.

“He told me everyone around town thinks I might be an alien,” Madeline sighs.

“What?” Regina asks, more confused than alarmed.

“That people think I’m an asshole, but that he could win me over. Like some fucked up carnival game.”

“Trophy hunter, gross,” Regina gags for emphasis.

“I thought it was more of a Hail Mary,” Madeline tilts her head, “he’s slept with everyone else in town until he finally made his way to me.”

“Mads, how many times do I have to remind you he is not that popular. _Ashy Slashy_ is there at last call, that’s the only reason he’s bagged so many,” Robin says, releasing Greta from the headlock their teasing had devolved into. 

“Uber gross,” Regina wrinkles her face in disgust.

Madeline thinks for a moment, forgetting about the fire licking at her fingers until it singes her skin. She hisses in surprise, holding her finger tight to numb the pain.

“I don’t know, everything was going so nice until then. He was actually romantic,” Madeline sighs.

“Do tell,” Regina leans in.

Madeline continues lighting flowers, blushing at the memory of Ash starting their date with that stupid car door bit.

“We went ice skating. He was very bad at it.”

“Why would he take you there then?” Greta asks.

“’Cause he’s an idiot,” Robin scoffs.

“It was still fun. I tried to teach him, but some kids got us kicked out.”

The three friends lean in closer; desperate to hear how anyone could get kicked out of an ice rink.

Madeline covers her blushing face, “They started it! They tripped him so I tripped one of them, it’s only fair.”

“You are so bad!” Regina smacks the back of Madeline’s head with the last few flowers of the bouquet.

Madeline groans, throwing herself down into one of the dining chairs, burying her face in her arms to hide how wide she smiles.

“Then he practically robbed the DQ and we got high at the lake…”

“Did that loser really take you to Lover’s Lake? How tacky,” Robin interrupts.

Madeline waves away the insult, rushing to Ash’s defense, “It was so pretty, the Christmas lights were reflecting off it, and he looked so cute. Before he called me an alien that is.”

“That’ll put a stop to the best of dates, I have to agree,” Regina says, rubbing Madeline’s back.

“I just don’t understand why he would do that?” Madeline sniffles.

“Maybe he was nervous,” Greta chimes in.

Madeline looks at her shocked. There’s no way, what a wild concept to even consider. His whole shtick is calm, cool, collected. How could Ash Williams be _nervous_?

“Makes sense to me. Alone on a date with the coolest gal in Elk Grove? I’d be shitting bricks,” Robin shrugs.

“Please, I don’t think anything can scare him,” Madeline says.

“You’d be surprised,” Regina raises an eyebrow.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” Madeline sighs, “It’s over and done with. I can start working on the living room now. Get everything ready for the new year.”

“That’s the spirit,” Regina says.

Though far from back to normal, Madeline finds herself ready to occupy her mind with something other than dating woes. At least for the time being. There were many projects unfinished around the house waiting to be tackled, and now she has all the time in the world to do them. No distractions. No thoughts of Ash and how his arms felt around her, the warmth of his breath on her skin, the hunger in his dark eyes…Madeline lifts the sofa into the center of the living room on her own trying not to think about it.

~

“I gotta say man, it’s a bit early for this. Even for me,” Chet says.

Still in their S-Mart uniforms, Ash and Chet pull into the parking lot of local strip club, Mammary Lane. Ditching the last few hours of work was Chet’s plan to cheer up a forlorn Ash, but with the hopes of doing something fun, not something as depressing as a small town strip club at four in the afternoon.

“No, no this is perfect. What better way to forget about a girl than surround yourself with other girls? And booze,” Ash insists.

Chet smiles painfully at his friend, trying to agree but unable to put his heart into it. 

The atmosphere inside is conducive to a daytime drinker: dim, no crowds, and nearly everything at half-price. Only two other men occupy the bar along with a gruff bartender and two dancers who look more like they’re practicing for that evening rather than putting on a show.

“I’ll get us some drinks, you just…get comfy,” Chet gingerly pats Ash on the shoulder before heading to the bar.

Ash sits himself right in front of the dancers, his usual charming grin plastered across his face. They smile, recognizing him immediately.

“Hey Ash,” they purr together.

“Hey ladies,” he winks, “Listen, my friend and I are celebrating today, so let’s get straight to the tits, yeah?”

One of the dancers taps the other on the shoulder, “You’re on, Bambi,” she laughs, walking away to continue practicing.

Bambi sits on the edge of the stage, legs dangling just out reach, “Are you going to tip this time, darling?”

“I’ll do you one better,” Ash says, holding out a roll of cash.

~

Ash felt a little bad leaving Chet to drink alone, but he needed a chance to talk to someone who might actually be able to help him with his predicament as discretely as possible. God forbid anyone discover he doesn’t always know exactly what to do to win a woman over.

Bambi leads him to one of the backrooms, closing the curtain behind them.

“Big spender today, gonna tell me what you’re celebratin’?” she asks, pushing him into the chair.

“Yeah, about that…”

“Not again,” she interrupts him, “How many times do we have to tell you we’re here to dance not to talk about your weird fantasies about…”

“No. It’s actually, I need help with…”

“We don’t do full service here either, Jesus Christ Ash,” she huffs, putting her arms on her hips.

Ash scowls at her constant interruptions, “Can I finish?”

“Eww! No! Get out!” 

“Dammit! That’s not what I meant. Can you just listen for one second?” Ash raises his voice, annoyed.

Bambi rolls her eyes and taps her foot impatiently, “Okay, but you’re gonna be my guinea pig for the next,” she flips through the cash, “45 minutes, jeez.”

“I have a lot on my mind, are you really complaining?”

She sighs, beginning her routine, “Everything’s fine, big man, let’s hear it.”

“Was that so hard?” he huffs, “So there’s this girl I like, we went on a nice enough date and everything was going real smooth, then she flips out on me and I can’t figure out why.”

“What did you say to her?” she asks.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Bambi glances over her shoulder at him knowingly. 

“Okay, so I may have mentioned a few things people say around town about her. But it was just to say how she’s not like that at all!”

“Is she in high school?” Bambi turns around, wrinkling her nose up at him.

“No!” Ash looks horrified.

“Then why the hell would you think that would work?”

Ash’s eyes glaze over, stumped by her question. The gears in his mind slowly turning as he attempts to piece together what the difference would be.

“You are so cute when you’re trying to think,” Bambi ruffles his hair.

“Hey, there’s a strict no touching policy here,” Ash scoffs.

“Right,” Bambi rolls her eyes, “so you thought telling a girl, to her face, all the rumors spread behind her back was a checkmate?” 

“When you put it that way,” he sighs.

“Who is she anyway? I’ve never seen you all mushy over a girl before.”

Ash leans forward, burying his face in his hands. 

“Keep your lap open, I’m working here,” Bambi smacks his arms out of the way.

He leans back in the chair, staring at the ceiling in hopes to escape the pit growing in his stomach.

“Madeline Revok,” he practically hums her name.

“Mad Lin? The dealer?” Bambi stops dancing, “You better not fuck this up, if she leaves town I will kill you.”

“I did fuck it up,” Ash says, paralyzed by the repeating memory of her face as she pulled away from him that night.

Bambi sits on his lap, now equally desperate to help him solve this conundrum. Lost in thought they don’t notice as Chet pokes his head in.

“Sorry to interrupt, looking for Ash,” Chet says, “guess I found him.”

Bambi shoots up, grabbing Chet by the arm and pulling him into the room.

“You’re great with women, this is perfect, you can fix this,” Bambi says.

Chet and Ash look at each other, stunned by the implication Chet was not just good, but _great_ with women. News neither of them could believe.

“You really mean that Bambi?” Chet asks, eyes sparkling with wonder.

“Now’s not the time to be humble, Ash needs help,” Bambi waves off the question, “How do you apologize to a brick wall like Mad Lin?”

“She’s not like that,” Ash says, “That’s the whole point!”

“She will be now,” Bambi warns.

Chet can’t wipe the grin off his face, not ready to switch over from hearing praise to thinking of solutions. Ash groans, smacking the back of his head with a fist.

“When do you see her again?” Bambi asks, trying to keep them focused.

“Sometime next week, she does one big drop-off before the holidays,” Ash says.

“There we go! Have something to give her, a big show of an apology,” she snaps her fingers.

“Like what?”

“What does she like?” Bambi asks.

“Oh! I know! She loves that one brand of cigarette they don’t sell in town, and she has a collection of teddy bears,” Chet says.

Ash stares at Chet confused, but Bambi nods, knowing Chet would share such wisdom.

“How did you know that?” Ash asks.

“I don’t know, she just mentions stuff like that every once and a while,” Chet shrugs.

Bambi swoons, resting her chin in her hand and fluttering her eyelashes at him. Chet attempts a wink, managing a normal blink instead.

“Alright you two weirdos, I’ve got a lot to do. Enjoy the rest of my time,” Ash stands, rushing out while Chet picks up where Ash left off with Bambi.

~

Madeline gathers up all the baggies of product, stopping to separate Ash’s from the rest. She hasn’t seen him since that fateful night last week, dreading their next meeting. Collapsing onto the sofa in the living room she groans, calling in a concerned Robin from the kitchen. Robin had been helping Madeline repaint the living room, taking a short break to clean up the kitchen. All the furniture had been pushed to the center of the room and draped in tarp. It would take a miracle for them to redecorate the whole house before the New Year’s party, but Madeline was nothing if not a miracle worker.

“Need some company tonight?” Robin asks, still drying a plate.

“A bigger favor than that,” Madeline says.

Robin sets the dish down and sits on the arm of the sofa, giving her friend a sarcastic look.

Madeline continues, “Will you do Ash’s drop off for me?”

“Really?”

“Please,” Madeline begs, “I’m just not ready to see him yet.”

Robin tosses the drying rag at Madeline’s face, “You owe me big time, his house gives me the creeps.”

With a flurry of thanks Madeline hugs her, lifting her off the ground with gratitude before grabbing the car keys. The two friends hop into the truck, ready for a night on the town. Madeline always treats her co-pilot to dinner in return for the extra help, especially considering she’ll only be able to talk about Ash for the entire drive.

~

The sound of a familiar old pick-up truck puttering to a stop across the street pulls a despondent Ash from his bed to the window, peaking through the curtains to see if she really was here. He runs to the mirror, pushing his hair into an attempt at a style. _But not too styled,_ he reminds himself, pulling a few curls loose over his forehead. Splashing a strong aftershave onto his fingertips to pat against his neck as he rushes downstairs, stopping midway to turn right back around, forgetting to grab the sorry-I-fucked-up gifts. A knock at the door stops him in his tracks again. Smacking his head on the banister in frustration he cuts his losses and answers the door without the peace offerings in hand, a charming grin his only hope.

“Hey Mad…Oh, Robin…” Ash says, color draining from his face.

“Great to see you too,” Robin rolls her eyes, slanting them when she smells the aftershave and notices his too clean shirt.

Ash recovers quickly, “Want to see more, baby?”

Robin stares at him deadpan, “It’s like watching a train wreck before my very eyes.”

Ash huffs, shoving his hands in his pockets to pout.

“She’s not gonna talk to me?”

“Bingo. Here’s your prize,” Robin hands him a baggie, which he stubbornly accepts.

“Can you talk to her for me?” Ash asks, pointing a thumb over his shoulder, “I even got her gifts, I can’t remember the last time I got a chick something she might actually want.”

Robin purses her lips, peaking over her shoulder to check if Madeline is watching. Madeline stares pointedly out the window in the other direction. Shrugging her shoulders Robin looks back at the childishly optimistic Ash.

“Listen, I know you’re legally a dumbass and Mads can do way better,” Robin starts, earning an angry glare and puffed chest from Ash, “but she really likes you for whatever reason and she’s making it our problem, bless her heart…”

“Bless her heart,” Ash repeats like a mantra.

Robin continues, “We’re throwing a New Year’s Eve party at our place and you are not invited, _but_ if you were to accidently crash I’m sure Madeline could find it in her heart to hear you out.”

“Why am I not invited?” Ash puts a hand over his chest, offended and shocked.

Robin flicks his nose like an unruly dog, “Because you’re an asshole, now focus up. Be there before midnight and you might have a chance Cinderella.”

Ash rubs his nose; glaring at Robin suspiciously before nodding, “Deal. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Robin says, “Seriously, don’t mention it. Mads will kill me.”

Waving goodbye Ash closes the door, leaning against it to slow the beating of his heart. Madeline liked him enough to complain about him to her friends and mope as much as he did. And her friends liked him enough to help him win her back. Or at least cared about her enough to appease her endeavor of dating a lunatic like himself. Running up the stairs skipping two steps at a time he nearly falls, overwhelmed at the thought of seeing her again. He’s never had a second chance before.


	7. One More Time, With Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Chet attend Madeline and friends' New Year's Eve Party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry no smut yet, maybe next chapter. but spoiler alert they finally kiss...since it's new years...u kno..

Chet’s parents hated Ash dropping in uninvited, leaving him no choice but to spend the whole morning and early afternoon calling their house to wake up their late-sleeping son. Somehow they knew it was Ash calling, refusing to pick up until he reached their voicemail at which point he was promptly answered and hung up on. Finally, around two in the afternoon, a groggy Chet rolls over to answer the ringing orange tabby cat phone beside him.

“Go for Chet.”

“You’re a hard man to reach,” Ash scoffs, “what the hell do you do when you’re not sleeping?”

“Hey Ash!” Chet perks up at the sound of his friend’s voice, “What’s up? And what time is it?”

Ash carries the phone base as he paces back and forth, cords dragging behind him threatening to topple him to the ground with each step.

“Doesn’t matter, you busy tonight?”

“Yeah,” Chet groans, “I was going to a party but my parents want company this year.”

“What party?” Ash asks, stopping in his tracks.

“You know, the one they throw at Mad Lin’s place every year?” Chet yawns.

Smacking his head against the wall Ash tries to compose himself.

“Every year?”

“Yeah man, I never see you there though,” Chet interrupts himself, “Oh…”

“Never mind that, I’m going tonight and you have to come with,” Ash says.

Chet glances at the clock on the wall, then at his wristwatch. Each gives wildly different hours.

“You driving?” he asks.

“Duh.”

“Alright,” Chet sighs, “say it’s an emergency when you pick me up. My parents already hate you so you can get away with it.”

“You mean your mom doesn’t want to fuck me?” Ash feigns seriousness.

“I’m hanging up now,” Chet says, returning the phone to the receiver and immediately falling back asleep.

The dial tone prompts Ash to shake his head, putting the phone back on the nightstand. With nine hours until the party Ash wracks his brain for a way to pass the time. For once he decides to plan ahead, thinking about what to say to Madeline _before_ he’s right in front of her.

Pacing frantically around his room he pieces together his feelings and how to, at the bare minimum, convey them.

“Hello Madeline, I’m an idiot, as you know, and would like to apologize. Do you still love me?” Ash stops in front of the mirror, staring at himself with disdain.

“ _Do you still love me?_ Really?” he asks himself.

He turns around, walking away from the mirror before returning to it again, as if she’s there staring back at him.

“I’m sorry about the other night, that was so stupid of me. Would it help if I let you slap me?”

A rush of blood makes him reconsider that offer.

“I had a really good time, I genuinely enjoy hanging out with you and am so sorry I fucked it up. Will you give me another shot?”

He nods at the mirror, proud of how convincing he sounds, knowing his puppy dog eyes will do most of the work anyway. Besides, he’s not one of those sappy romantics that go on and on about how much they love someone. Ash is far too cool for that.

~  
“Why does it matter anyway? Everyone’s gonna be too wasted to care,” Madeline waves away Regina’s attempts to convince her to change from her work clothes to party attire.

Madeline had spent the entire day decorating, running errands, and finishing various last minute chores around the house. Her denim overalls caked in paint and dirt, white shirt stained with sweat. She stomps the snow and mud off her boots on the welcome mat.

“And what if a cute guy wants to talk to you?” Regina asks.

“Not my problem,” Madeline smiles, removing her shoes before waltzing inside.

Unbeknownst to Madeline, Robin had shared with Regina and Greta that Ash would be crashing tonight and that it would be a team effort in making sure she talked to him. While Greta was certain she would have no issue convincing Madeline to talk to him, Regina was more concerned Madeline would be too embarrassed if she didn’t put at least some care into her outfit.

“What’s not your problem?” Robin asks from the kitchen, hearing the two friends come inside.

“She’s refusing to dress up!” Regina pouts.

Robin pokes her head around the corner, a mock glare on her face.

“Mads, if you’re going to be the hostess you need to look the part,” Robin scolds.

“Greta, save me from these harpies,” Madeline pleads with her last hope.

“No way! I didn’t get to pick your outfit last time so you have to let me do it now,” Greta folds her arms.

Madeline groans, no saving her this time.

“You heard the lady,” Regina smirks.

Madeline lets Greta lead her by her hand, lamenting all the way to her room.

Sitting on her bed Madeline watches with a proud smile as Greta tears through her closet, clearly searching for something she’d already had in mind long before.

“So how’s your crush going?” Madeline asks.

“Not sure yet,” Greta responds, still rummaging around, “We’re friends now though, so that’s a big step.”

“Oh?” Madeline pries.

“I hadn’t talked to her at all before Halloween,” Greta says, tossing a shirt to Madeline, “she’s really popular and I’m definitely not, but Ash insisted I’d never have a chance if I didn’t even have the courage to talk to her.”

Madeline winces at the mention of his name, but tries to smooth over it.

“Like cheerleader popular?”

“No,” Greta laughs, “She’s on the track team so like, she’s still up there on the food chain.”

Before she can stop herself Madeline asks about him, “What else did he say?”

“Who, Ash?” Greta looks up from her search.

Madeline gives an annoyed huff in response.

“For the most part he joked around, but,” Greta stands, looking up as she remembers, “he did say if I really liked her I had to be a part of her life. She had to see me too, otherwise she’d never get a crush on me back.”

Madeline wrinkles her nose, “He does have a talent for inserting himself into people’s lives.”

Greta sits next to her, handing her a pair of pants to match the top.

“Is he wrong?” Greta asks.

With a heavy sigh Madeline throws herself back onto the bed.

“Not about that,” Madeline says.

“But he does make mistakes sometimes?” Greta continues.

Madeline looks at Greta suspiciously, “What are you getting at?”

“Nothing, nothing. I’m just thinking.”

“If you say so,” Madeline smiles, “Now go help Robin in the kitchen, I’m gonna get changed.”

Greta pats Madeline on the arm before heading downstairs. Madeline sits at her desk, staring at her reflection. Why is she bothering even thinking about that loser anymore? There’s no better time to get over a man than in the new year. And Regina’s right, there will be plenty of other guys to choose from tonight. As she changes outfits, Madeline can’t help indulging the quiet voice in the back of her head hoping to see him tonight.

~

Parking the Delta down the road from the party Ash hops out of the car, an already inebriated Chet following close behind. Grabbing the bag of gifts from the backseat Ash sets off for the house.

“Why’d you park so far?” Chet grumbles, shivering in the cold.

“If I catch her by surprise I might be able to convince her to talk to me before throwing me out,” Ash says, walking a bit too fast for Chet to keep up.

Noticing his friend falling behind Ash slows to wait, taking the moment to steady his breathing. The two of them march up the steps of the house together, music as loud as the last party and attendees just as trashed. Ash appreciated the lack of costumes and spooky décor this time.

“Alright! Let’s get wasted!” Chet cheers, a chorus of partygoers matching his enthusiasm as he bolts for the makeshift bar with Ash hunching along, trying to keep an eye out for Madeline.

In another room Madeline chats with some acquaintances from college, stopping for a moment at the sound of Chet beginning a drinking game in the front room.

“We should go say hi,” Regina pulls at Madeline’s arm.

Madeline nods, letting her friend drag her through the crowd. She could use another drink anyway.

Nearly letting his guard down, Ash sees Madeline coming right at him. In a panic he grabs an armful of beers and sprints out the backdoor. He knew he’d want to be well stocked since he plans to hide out there all night.

For a second Madeline swears she saw something tall and awkward out of the corner of her eye, but shakes her head, turning her attention to Chet as he shotguns a third beer at the behest of the crowd, crushing the empty can on his head and roaring.

“Hey man,” she says over the crowd.

“Hey Mads!” Chet beams.

Madeline leans in to whisper, “Ash didn’t happen to come with you, did he?”

Chet smiles, but quickly pulls a sour face, “No, no way. Ash is definitely not here.”

Madeline catches her frown, desperately turning it into a smile, “Cool, thanks. Good to see you man.”

Chet holds a hand out for her to wait, “Should I have invited him?”

Madeline shakes her head no unconvincingly.

“You know, he won’t shut up about you,” Chet continues.

“Really?” Madeline asks, “How do you mean?”

She hands an exuberant Chet a preroll, coaxing more information out of his loose lips. Lighting it for him he inhales deeply, his laughing interrupted by a series of coughs.

“Good shit,” he nods, passing her the joint.

“What does he say about me?”

Chet laughs, holding Madeline’s shoulder for stability.

“It’s the worst! You’re all he’s talked about for months. He even dragged Bambi into it, so embarrassing.” Chet shakes his head in dismay.

“Bambi?”

“Yeah, over at Mammary Lane. He spent like $100 just to ask what to do about you,” Chet gestures at all of Madeline, grabbing for the joint again, “You’re not gonna move are you?”

Madeline lets him take it, stunned by everything Chet is saying.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna move,” Madeline reassures him, “What did she say?”

Chet holds his head steady, taking another hit.

“Oh, I don’t remember. It must have helped though,” he says.

Madeline thinks for a moment, brain catching up with this new information. Did he say Ash has been talking about her for _months?_

“Want a drink?” Chet asks, noticing her stern face.

“Nah,” Madeline shakes her head, “Hey Chet?

Chet tilts his head, already moving toward the bar for another drink for himself.

“Do you think I’m an asshole?” she asks.

Chet slaps his hands around his ears, as if her words hurt him to hear.

“You’re like, my best friend Mads, no way! And if Ash likes you so much you must be cool,” he says.

Madeline stares at him, mouth agape, as he quickly recovers, jiving away toward the bar. Their conversation already a distant memory to him.

Making her way to the backdoor Madeline shakes her head; unable to process that Ash really did like her. He really was just that stupid.

Outside Ash finishes another beer, holding the can against his temple before tossing it next to more empty ones by the steps. Looking up from his growing pile of trash, he spots Madeline approaching through the screen door. Cursing toward the sky he clamors for a place to hide, flattening himself against the wall next to the door. If all goes well she’ll walk right past him and he can sneak back inside undetected.

Madeline steps outside, standing on the back stairs a moment to take a deep breath. Ash holds his breath; sweat beading across his forehead as he watches her. A collection of empty beer cans catches her attention earning a disgusted groan.

“Animals,” she hisses, picking up the trash.

Turning to head back inside she sees Ash splayed against the wall, his eyes wide with terror.

Madeline jumps, sending the cans flying every which way.

“What the fuck!” she yells, startled.

Ash yelps in surprise at being caught and her sudden outburst, instinctively throwing his head back only to smash it on the wall behind him. They both take a moment to catch their breath.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, hand over her chest to calm her beating heart.

“Thought maybe we could talk?” he says.

 _Figures,_ she thinks, of course he tagged along with Chet, she knew something was weirder than usual about him.

“About what?” she glares.

Ash steps away from the wall, holding the bag out toward Madeline.

“About me being an asshole and you being so understanding,” he smiles sheepishly.

Taking the bag Madeline sifts through the contents, unable to hide the smile spreading across her face.

“Did Chet help you?” she asks.

“What is it with women and Chet? What does he have that I don’t?” Ash asks, a hand on his hip while the other waves around wildly.

Madeline lights a gift cigarette for herself and another for Ash, holding the bag on her elbow.

“You have until it burns out,” she says.

Ash puts the cigarette out, “Oh no! It can’t burn out now! Guess you’re gonna have to talk to me all night.”

“Don’t push your luck,” she warns.

Heaving a sigh he puts the cigarette behind his ear, keeping his hands occupied usually helps him think. Usually.

“I want to apologize and, you know, I had a really good time with you and I really think we should give it another shot and I think you’re a super lady,” Ash fumbles over his words, trying to say everything at once.

Madeline raises an eyebrow in concern.

“What?” she asks.

“Hold on, that came out weird,” Ash says, taking a deep breath to try again, “I’m sorry for bringing up all that shit on our date. I didn’t know how to tell you how much I like you and I dropped the ball. This is new territory for me.”

The sting from hitting his head draws his attention, reaching a hand back to touch it and wincing.

“Are you okay?”

“No! I’m not okay,” he says, throwing his weight down with his arms for emphasis, “I hurt you. And I don’t know how to make it right.”

“I meant your head,” she blushes.

“Don’t change the subject,” he says.

Neither of them noticed they were only a breath away now.

“Fine. I can think of a way to make it right then,” she runs a hand down the side of his face, unflinching as he holds her hips against him.

“That so?” his voice lowers, sparking something deep within her.

The sound of people counting down to midnight within the house, shouting at the top of their lungs, is deafened by his heartbeat against hers. Madeline’s breath catches in her throat, lost in his dark eyes as she leans closer. Three seconds left. She pulls him in, their lips meeting in a soft kiss as she closes her eyes, letting herself feel his hands on her, the warmth radiating off his skin, his tongue sliding across hers.

Hoards of people pour outside to ring in the new year, rushing past them to bang pots and pans together and howl into the night, not a soul taking note of their lingering embrace.

Ash runs a thumb gently down her cheek, ghosting another kiss across her lips.

“I can see it’s going to take a lot more of this before you forgive me,” he feigns a guilty voice.

Madeline laughs, burying her face in his chest to hide her blushing. He holds her tight, resting his chin on her head, basking in the moment of her laughing in his arms. The first time he’s felt this way since that damn cabin, as if this happiness would burn right through him.

“Happy New Year Ash!” Robin shouts as she steps outside, “You seen Mads?”

Madeline spins around, ready to return the greeting, but Ash holds here in his arms, pulling his jacket over her in a childish attempt to hide her from view.

“Haven’t seen her anywhere, sorry,” he shrugs, trying to hold onto Madeline as she bubbles over with giggles, failing to worm herself free.

Robin waves Regina over, beaming with pride at her sweet Madeline finally being happy.

“Well if you see her tell her Happy New Year for me, and that I expect to hear how right I was every day for the rest of my life,” Robin grins, leaving the couple be to join the crowd.

Ash releases Madeline, only for her to hug right back into him.

“Now you like me?” he taunts.

“Shut up,” she groans.

“You like Ashy Slashy? That’s so lame,” he continues, mimicking a gossipy woman’s voice, “What are you gonna do? Invite him up to your room and _fornicate?_ ”

“Honestly, I’d rather just get shitfaced tonight,” Madeline says, “Care to join me?”

“A woman after my own heart,” Ash smiles.

They run inside to pound a few shots before gallivanting into the night with the other revelers, hooting and hollering until their lungs ache with exhaustion.

~

Early that morning as they reenter the home, Ash finds a passed out Chet on the kitchen table. Tsking he lifts his friend over his shoulders, carrying him to a soft chair in the living room.

“I’m gonna stay with him,” Ash frowns, “I’ll have to drive him home soon or his parents will flip.”

Madeline nods, waving an awkward goodbye before heading upstairs. She collapses into her bed, heart still racing and dreaming of more than their kiss; the fire never leaving her core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Chet loves Garfield. this is a fact.


End file.
